123 Burger Shot Beer

I'm sitting at a desk on the ninth floor of NYAC, in the small room they call the library. This place makes me laugh. Everybody tries to be so prim and proper all the time. I wish they'd kick back once in a while and not take themselves so seriously, but then again this is NYAC. It's been around since 1868 and only started accepting women (read men couldn't walk around on the pool deck naked anymore - oh the horror!) within the past three decades.

An elderly gentleman in a fedora and wire-rimmed glasses just loudly shushed someone for having a cell phone that went off by accident. I'm enclosed by 10-foot-tall glass shelves filled with old books and couldn't see who it was. Note, this same man shuffled in with a cane and his 6-inch stride not 10 minutes prior with a fancily clad woman who appeared to be his wife. He spotted an empty leather couch and threw his wool coat at it, but grossly misjudged his strength and the distance he was from the couch. It was, as you would call it in basketball, an air ball, or in this case, an air coat. It landed in a pile on the floor. "S--T!" He yelled. It was the fiercest "S--T!" I'd ever heard. The four men in my vision looked up from their newspapers startled. I fought hard not to lose myself laughing at this unexpected use of a four-letter curse word in the library. Call me crazy, but I think he could have afforded the cell phone owner a little bit more patience after such a classic entrance.

Darn. The Chris O'Donnell look-alike sitting directly across from me just left. He had a side part, khakis and topsiders and was straight out of a clip of "Circle of Friends." LittleMissSunshine ordered me to invite him to join us in the club's Tap Room that night but I'm a big wuss.

***
We were on a Sunday fun day kick for weeks.

"You guys seem to do a lot of Sunday fun days, huh?" asked CarolinaBlue.

"Heck yeah! What else do you have to do on a Sunday?" Stay sober and dread the work week ahead? Not my crew.

First there was football, which made for a couple of Sunday not-so-fun days, thanks (or no thanks) to the New York Giants.

Then there was FoxyLady's Sunday birthday party at The Rusty Knot, which ended up being a not-so-fun day either because my barely-a-month-old, tricked out camera phone, the Nokia N82, went for a swim in the toilet. My brother has since advised me to kick the camera phone all together for the iPhone (whose camera is lousy) with hopes of purchasing a decent, no frills, subtle camera to use at restaurants and out with friends. Got any tips? Please advise.

Last, but not least, there was the mother of all Sunday fun days, thanks to Fashionista, at Medieval Times. It came up a bunch in conversation and I was hoping if I ignored it, it would go away. Even after Fashionista sent the Evite I was secretly hoping something would come up that weekend so I could get out of it. Wedding? Anybody?



As the day started to approach, I knew I wasn't going to be able to fib myself out of it and as Fashionista's good friend, I decided I'd support her field trip idea. I was Doubting Mona, for sure.

As the day arrived and more and more people were on board I started to get pumped. Maybe it'd be fun after all. I was especially excited with our decision to pre-game it at 123 Burger Shot Beer ($1 burgers, $2 shots and $3 beers). After all, the motto of my crew is "Let's drink before we go out drinking."

Exhibit A: Jager bombs.


ClarkKent gave me the 123 Burger Shot Beer menu eons ago and suggested I give it a chance on the Apple. I'd been dying to go but hadn't had good reason. Until now. We had the entire bar to ourselves and we sprawled out all over. I walked in and the damage had already been done. A couple of my guy friends, Jabba and GoldenTee, had collectively put down about two dozen sliders. I called the furthest seat from them on the bus to Lyndhurst, N.J., and the furthest seat from them at the knight's table.

Once the waitress handed me my own collection of $1 burgers I understood why. They were like beef candy. The soft buttery dough of the buns wrapped around the gooey burger went down like shots themselves. I added the pickles for a little sweet, crunchy kick. Sold! May I have another!


Some of us enjoyed the $3 beer and some of us enjoyed their cheap well vodka-sodas. The bar was such a hit we returned after Medieval Times. I wasn't much for the ambiance - the exposed brick walls clashed with the all-silver counter top. It seemed they were going for a pseudo-'50s retro Johnny Rockets-type theme but they didn't quite get there. I won't be headed to 123 for my 30th birthday party, but we had a blast, the manager was super friendly and it sent us on our merry medieval way.

Once the cheap tab was settled we took off to make our bus at Port Authority. It was a comedy of errors. I wish somebody had taped our racewalking trek through the rain to make our bus by 30 seconds. We walked, we skipped, we jogged, we did something in between a walk and a run and finding the bus terminal once inside Port Authority was like finding your gate at Narita.

The driver was taking his foot off the brake pedal when we banged on the door and demanded to be let on like it was the last bus out of the city during a flash flood. I apologize now to the passengers who wanted to enjoy a peaceful, pleasant trip.

I don't think I stopped laughing of incredulity from the moment I walked in Medieval Times to the moment we stumbled out stealing all the glass and cupware we could find. We got in line for our tickets, we were released into a big room with bars in every corner serving nothing but super duper-sized (and priced) cocktails. My girl Fashionista is a genius and decided to BYOV and she was adding it to her club soda water in the bathroom. Take a page from her book, ladies.

After we all downed our beverages and played prince and princess in the Hall of Arms, we were trumpeted to our seats. We were the green table. Somehow, whether by coincidence or planning on their part, our crew was in the NC-17 section, i.e. the drunk rowdy section of the sandy ring. As every other color's section was introduced to cheering and jeering, we could barely make out heads over the long group tables. Red was Joey's seventh birthday party, blue was Annie's 10th birthday party, yellow was Mike and Mary's joint 11th birthday party. When they announced the green section all hell and spitfire broke loose.


"GO GREEN KNIGHT! GO GREEN KNIGHT!"

You see yellow here because with booze goggles he reminded us of someone LittleMissSunshine used to date.

There was a storyline but I couldn't tell you what it was. I can only say there was a man's loud and booming voice on a microphone (he was definitely trying to be Sean Connery's King Arthur) and I could make out the knights' colors, and the names King Phillipe and Princess Leonore from time to time. Knights of every color of the rainbow were jousting in front of us while we pigged out on a four-course meal that was actually scrumptious -- from the garlic bread to the tomato soup, from the spare rib to the roasted chicken. We were all very impressed.

Green knight won and I know it was because of his record-breaking cheering section. The whole place would be silent with dread as someone was about to get axed or pummelled with a single ball mace and someone at our fun table would yell "GO GREEN KNIGHT!"


"You're kind of creepy looking but we love you!"

At the end of the production, the King gave shout-outs to all parties present. The list was endless and it was mostly just a bunch of kids celebrating their birthdays. Until...

"Welcome, Janet and Steve, who are celebrating their 10th wed - WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!"

My whole table exploded with laughter. Even the actor playing the proud role of king was stupefied by their choice of anniversary venue.

We all had a blast at Medieval Times, but like my fifth birthday party at Bullwinkle's many years ago, I think it's a once-in-a-lifetime deal. Although, you never know, maybe I'll have a son one day who will beg me to go for his birthday.

"Mawww-ummmm! Please?"

"Seriously, honey? OK, OK! Tell Daddy to call. Oh! And ask him to request the green section!"