Telepan

courtesy of NewYorkMag.com

I was nearly having a heart attack. I could feel the pain in my left arm and it was creeping into my chest. I wasn't able to meet Carebear for her 30th birthday dinner (before you say, "Geez, what a lousy friend," it wasn't as bad as it seems -- she's married and she had a party of married couples to keep her company) and, as a substitute, I was taking her to Telepan. Just me and her. I prefer it that way anyways. Although now I may have to ask if I can tow her little 2-month-old Holt in my purse. It's big enough and I think she'd fit.

We were set for dinner, but there was one slight problem. I didn't know who was going to subsidize it. The ol' bank accounts weren't sufficiently filled as they ought to have been. Something hadn't cleared properly and I was up a fancy creek with no money to buy paddles or a boat, and more importantly, dinner.

Oh. My. God.

I couldn't do this to Carebear so I had to come up with a fast solution. Without revealing the ins and outs of my financial instability, I was 10 minutes late to dinner, but the problem was solved. Allelujah. To Carebear and her mom (and my dad) reading this, I know you're shaking your heads in disbelief thinking, "Typical!"

Carebear knew nothing of my stress, but I'm sure she noticed the beads of sweat dripping down my forehead and neck when I approached her sitting beautifully at the bar. Her pregnant tummy was wrapped neatly in a springy black and white dress. God, I hope I can look like that when I'm preggers.

"Hay-YEEEEEE!" I cried. "Happy birthday! I'm soooo sorry I'm late."

"Oh, nooooo worries," she said.

Oh, there were! I needed a drink stat.

Telepan was a sort of Upper West Side enigma to me. It opened a while ago and I thought, wow, cool! Wow that we scored such an elegant restaurant and cool that it got a lot of praise. But why on earth did Bill Telepan open it here, in what used to be a dining no man's land? The Upper West Side isn't necessarily a nightlife destination. As I read about Telepan, I learned his family lives on the Upper West Side so maybe he has an affinity for the neighborhood. Nothing wrong with that! I just hope the locals continue to give him the support he needs.

It's a few short blocks away from my office (which explains why ABC's Brian Ross was a few feet away from me cavorting with friends).

Carebear and I sat in a little power booth towards the front. The atmosphere was slightly dry and austere. I felt like a kid in her mom's high heels pretending to be a grown-up. I wouldn't show up at Telepan casually dressed and unexpected. There seems to be a certain ceremony to the experience here you don't want to disturb (at least, I don't). The crowd is a more mature, serious bunch than I'm used to. The artwork and the lime green walls were tastefully done and brought a sort of garden-y, organic feel to the place.

Our server was very friendly. He promptly brought us our menus and water and we took a few moments to choose our poison. Carebear was about to pop with number two, but she still, like a trooper, enjoyed a glass of wine with me. We got our wines and a small plate of breads to start. One was a pizza and one had an olive-bean spread on it. I liked this place already. Amuse-bouches are my favorite. When I'm hungry I like to nibble on something. Restaurants that do them are few and far between and it's always a nice "Oh!" surprise when they do. (Apologies for the lousy iPhone pictures - I was sans camera.)


For an appetizer I tried the sashimi yellowtail with a spicy chickpea salad and tabbouleh. It was fabulous. I'd never had sushi over tabbouleh before. Between the olive oil and the mint and the cool sushi, it was a combination I loved, and I didn't want the flavors (or my helping) to end.

Carebear went for a ham, egg and cheese sandwich (what?) for her starter, per our server's recommendation. You see how terrible the photos are so I didn't post one here. I saw hers and wished I could sneak in before my early morning shift and order one from Mr. Telepan. It was a slow-poached egg, ham, fontina and garlic delight. The word "sandwich" doesn't do it justice and Carebear was not disappointed. The bread looked like it was the best part. It had charred edges and came right out of the bread oven.

For my entree I tried the lobster bolognese. The spaghetti was perfectly cooked in light herbs and a shallot-garlic-tomato broth. I see lobster on a menu with pasta and I can't resist. I was slightly disappointed, however. I prefer a more robust sauce. The lobster was firm and delicious, but I could have done without the forest on top. This dish would be better suited as an appetizer because of its small size.


I watched Carebear eating her entree with ravenous envy. When she looked at me and asked, "Do you want some?" I shook my head, "Yes, puh-LEEZ!"

Carebear ordered the robiola tortelloni, or meatballs, swiss chard and parmesan. I didn't expect to love Telepan's Italian, but man, this dish was incredible. Think homemade, over-sized tortellini with mini meatballs. Here the light sauce worked perfectly because there was so much other flavor going on with the meat, cheese and pasta. This dish reminded me of Batali's mint love letters at Babbo.


So we were three for four at Telepan. I would order everything again except for the lobster dish. We were pretty stuffed and ended up skipping dessert -- my perfect excuse to go back. While I wouldn't want to have my 30th birthday dinner here -- it's a little too straight-laced for that -- Telepan is the perfect place to take parents/grandparents visiting, or to celebrate anniversaries, graduations, reunions or romance. Carebear's Holt and Julia Hunter are far away from being able to eat at Telepan, but you can be sure if Auntie Mona's around 20 years from now when they would appreciate it, dinner is on me. Carebear's 50th, perhaps?

72 West 69 St., just off Columbus 212.580.4300