The Birthday Dinner
"Please come to dinner to celebrate my birthday at (insert expensive restaurant here)."
We've all received the e-mail.
But the part left out is: "Please expect to pay $85 - $115 for your dinner and mine."
We've all gone to the dinner. We've all even been excited about the dinner -- often it's at a place you'd never try on your own, for fear of its pricetag. We've all gawked at the bill, and re-gawked at the bill. And we all know the understood, unwritten rule that you're paying for yourself and the birthday celebrant.
It's a common practice I find awkward and amusing. The expert fumbles to reach for the wallet (the amateur fumbles to find the bag), while feigning disgust and surprise when friends yell, "Oh please!" or "Get outta here!" or "Put it away!"
I know. I've done it.
This would never fly in your mothers' or grandmothers' etiquette books. Unless, of course, your birthday dinner solely included you and a + significant one. Or would it?
More often than not, my friends are savvy enough to pick places that won't put the party in the red for the next six months. And to them I am grateful. But there are the rogue birthday-ers who will throw in a fancy place from time to time and I wish they had better sense. I'm no Scrooge, but I'm just sayin'.
This year I struggled trying to pick a place for my "birthday" dinner. I e-mailed several friends asking for advice. Dinner? Brunch? Where should we go? I told Fashionista I was going schizo because I couldn't settle on a place that would be reasonable, yet fun.
I asked Bradbury for tips.
"My favorite resto by Black and White is Gotham Bar and Grille. Actually it's my fave in all of NYC."
I checked out the menu. Not kid-paycheck-friendly.
I responded, "I feel awkward suggesting a really nice place and then everybody paying for me, you know?"
He wrote back, "True. In this economy, people would be bummed spending $200 per head- haha."
Haha indeed. I'd be bummed in any economy paying that much for dinner, if it wasn't at Per Se or French Laundry and there was no proposal involved.
This is why tomorrow I decided to celebrate my friends, not my (belated) birthday. There will be no false wallet-scrounging. We will all pay our share.
And if the evening proceeds as hoped, we'll all be paying dearly on Sunday.
We've all received the e-mail.
But the part left out is: "Please expect to pay $85 - $115 for your dinner and mine."
We've all gone to the dinner. We've all even been excited about the dinner -- often it's at a place you'd never try on your own, for fear of its pricetag. We've all gawked at the bill, and re-gawked at the bill. And we all know the understood, unwritten rule that you're paying for yourself and the birthday celebrant.
It's a common practice I find awkward and amusing. The expert fumbles to reach for the wallet (the amateur fumbles to find the bag), while feigning disgust and surprise when friends yell, "Oh please!" or "Get outta here!" or "Put it away!"
I know. I've done it.
This would never fly in your mothers' or grandmothers' etiquette books. Unless, of course, your birthday dinner solely included you and a + significant one. Or would it?
More often than not, my friends are savvy enough to pick places that won't put the party in the red for the next six months. And to them I am grateful. But there are the rogue birthday-ers who will throw in a fancy place from time to time and I wish they had better sense. I'm no Scrooge, but I'm just sayin'.
This year I struggled trying to pick a place for my "birthday" dinner. I e-mailed several friends asking for advice. Dinner? Brunch? Where should we go? I told Fashionista I was going schizo because I couldn't settle on a place that would be reasonable, yet fun.
I asked Bradbury for tips.
"My favorite resto by Black and White is Gotham Bar and Grille. Actually it's my fave in all of NYC."
I checked out the menu. Not kid-paycheck-friendly.
I responded, "I feel awkward suggesting a really nice place and then everybody paying for me, you know?"
He wrote back, "True. In this economy, people would be bummed spending $200 per head- haha."
Haha indeed. I'd be bummed in any economy paying that much for dinner, if it wasn't at Per Se or French Laundry and there was no proposal involved.
This is why tomorrow I decided to celebrate my friends, not my (belated) birthday. There will be no false wallet-scrounging. We will all pay our share.
And if the evening proceeds as hoped, we'll all be paying dearly on Sunday.
posted by Mona at 6:25 PM
5 Comments:
Is it an American thing, to foot the bill during a friend's birthday? Or is it a NY thingy? Coz here in India, the birthday boy (or girl) gets the honour(?) of doing that. And happy belated birthday!
Happy belated bday! I'm an October baby too.
I don't plan my own birthday dinner (though I will occasionally plan a bar gathering), which probably would explain the next statement better: I stopped bothering to reach for my wallet 5-8 years ago now. A close friend usually plans each birthday dinner (depending on each group of friends), and it's understood the bill will be split and the birthday person knows that's their gift. So when the bill comes, it's pointless and totally fake to reach for it... in my mind, anyway. I just smile and say thank you and mean it. :) But of course, this varies by group and how things are done.
Did you see that article on CNN recently about the birthday dinner phenomenon?
Great post. You describe something we have ALL experienced.
Your solution is a good one! Hope you enjoyed it!
Hi Mona...I am Mona also : )
Wonderful Dinner~
Post a Comment
<< Home